Human-ness in the midst of it all

Hi Readers,
These last few days I have been reminded that I am a spiritual being having a human experience. The reminder comes once again in the results from my CT scans.

Currently, I sit in my oncologists office waiting for a re-read on my scans. The radiologist compared the recent ones to one from 2 years ago. Thankfully, my ND caught the error.

It’s interesting how introspective and teary-eyed I get leading up to results day. I know that God is in control. Yet, I find myself asking a million “what if” and “how can” questions. Next comes the phase where I tell myself that it doesn’t help me to ask those questions. Then comes grace.

I remind myself it is extremely healthy to embrace all of these emotions. So, I let myself cry, cry some more and then cry some more. I whip out my journal and I begin to work through all of my emotions on paper. And as I do this, I can feel the fear dissipate slowly, but oh so steadily. I hand all my worries over to God knowing He is there to support and guide me. I put down my journal and my pen, and turn off my light. As I drift off to sleep, I remind myself that every moment is a new beginning. I give thanks to God and look forward to tomorrow.

Focus Returning thanks to Neurofeedback

(This post was written Monday, February 22)
It’s been an interesting couple of weeks with all this focus on my brain. In my previous post, I wrote about what neurofeedback is and how it helps the brain restore function after chemotherapy.

It’s amazing to see the shifts occurring in my day-to-day activities that are a result of the neurofeedback sessions. It’s not like I can do something I’ve never done before, but it is helping me get back to the productive and focused Diane. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen that Diane.

Here’s an example that happened today. My main task was to complete several hours of bookkeeping for my business and taxes. Two weeks ago, I would have reacted by finding other things to do, getting frustrated, feeling overwhelmed and scattered as I attempted the task

Today I woke up, ate breakfast and went straight to work. At one point, I realized I never even brought my water into my office yet I kept going deciding I could get it later. Four hours later I emerged with the task 100% complete! The sense of accomplishment I had was like none other.

I also find myself eager to get to work each day. My days consist of writing, emailing, phone conversations, and several client sessions. Neurofeedback gives my brain the tools it needs to get back to working properly. So much has come from these sessions with the most important being focus.

In talking with Sue, I made the assumption that something major must have changed in my brain waves, but she corrected me to say sometimes it’s just a minor tweak that makes all the difference. Now isn’t that true with everything in life? Most of the time just a slight shift in perception changes everything.

Today I have another session. I love my time there. I put on headsets, listen to cool brain wave music and relax, meditate and play brain boosting games. I’m grateful to have met Sue and experienced such great results to neurofeedback. I have my brain back. As my husband would say, “I’m operating on all cylinders again.”

Be sure to check out http://www.optimumbalancing.com if you are frustrated by chemo brain.

Neurofeedback-Can it help chemo brain?

One of the most frustrating things I experienced during chemotherapy in 1995 and 2005 was what doctors refer to as “chemo brain.” Chemo brain is a fogginess in thoughts, cognitive changes and dysfunction, and memory challenges that happens during and post treatment. It can also look like confusion, disorganization, fatigue, forgetfulness and more.

In my case, I noticed since chemo ended in November 2005 my chemo fog has become increasingly worse. To the point I was becoming more and more frustrated because my list of “to do’s” grew leaps and bounds faster than my “completed” list. I found myself starting several tasks, but not completing anything. Now if you know me, you know I am a “do-er”and relish the feeling of completing a task and seeing the end result. So this frustration is what lead me to Sue Shipman at Optimum Balancing to get neurofeedback. www.optimumbalancing.com

Neurofeedback gives your brain a tool to heal itself naturally from the inside out. It allows your brain to form new neuronet connections based on healthy, balanced energy.

My first appointment consisted of an assessment of my current neuro connections and then a mini-session. The assessment consisted of nodes being put on my earlobes and different areas of my head. I was asked to do different things-close my eyes and relax, stare with my eyes half open, reading, repeating numbers back to Sue and more.

I really wasn’t expecting to have a response to the first session. Yet, I did! I felt more alert and focused just with one 25 minute session. The added bonus – I slept like a baby! That session was on a Monday and the next session was Friday, Feb. 12. On Saturday, I crossed 4 things off my to do list. That’s a record for me these past few months. Talk about rewarding!

This week I’ve had one session and have two more scheduled and I am still crossing things off my list. I am so excited at the results from this therapy and look forward to more improvement. I will be sure to report the results as I go along.

The great news for you, Optimum Balancing located in Tempe, AZ offers a complimentary session. If you are experiencing chemo brain or other cognitive issues, I highly recommend you give this a try.

What is your life worth?

Taking care of yourself during a cancer diagnosis is a full-time job. You may already have one full-time job, plus a family and wonder where in the world are you going to find time for cancer and for the things necessary to keep you healthy. I get this, truly I do. It’s why so many choose to go through chemotherapy and radiation, but may choose not to make lifestyle changes to support being healthy. Those lifestyle changes take time to learn, to do and to develop as habit.

However, lifestyle changes are necessary to help your body heal and to continue long-term healing. Changes in food choices and schedule to make room for stress management techniques such as meditation, deep breathing and exercise are vital to own’s peace of mind and health within a diagnosis.What is your life worth? Is it worth making some changes. When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I just went through the treatment and got on with life as best as I could (with a few limitations). The second diagnosis and using naturopathic medicine taught me how to make lifestyle changes, but I didn’t stick with them for the long-term. For the third diagnosis, I went through conventional treatment and then moved to Arizona where I began to get back to the lifestyle changes, but found myself undisciplined in my choices. It took 4 times to figure it out! Food choices, stress management, exercise, and working with the power of the mind are incredibly important on a daily basis to get and stay healthy.

Now I am not saying you have to make all the changes in one fell swoop. Slow and steady wins the race. Choose one thing a week to add or change. Here are some quick and easy suggestions to create long-term lifestyle changes:

1. The crockpot is your best friend to make healthy meals while you are off at work. Prepare them the night before and use dark leafy greens as much as possible. Two great web sites for easy recipes are: Chef Rachel Matesz and Emeril Green.
2. Wake up 15 minutes early and put on your IPOD to listen to a morning meditation to start your day right.
3. Perform deep breathing exercises, especially when you are tired. Not only does cancer not like oxygen, deep breathing rejuvenates your cells.
4.  Do the “health bounce” on the rebounder (mini-trampoline) while watching your favorite television show.
5. As you wait for the shower to warm up, use a dry brush to wake up your lymphatic system. Be sure to brush toward the heart. Check out http://tinyurl.com/5hqd76 for more information.
6. Be sure to sign up for the Natural Cancer Girl newsletter for more healthy lifestyle tips.

Cancer Superheroes, what is one simple thing you have added or changed in your life that has added to your health? Was it worth it?

What could it be?

Sometimes when you are going through cancer or even post treatment, you will get these “things” that pop up and cause concern. These things can be a pain, a lump, an ache or just a general icky feeling. (Icky – that’s a technical term.)

It’s when these things pop up that our faith and strength are tested even more. Do I call the doctor? Do I get more bloodwork done or a CT scan? What if? What could it be? The questions begin to tumble around in our head.

At least it’s that way for me. Lately, I’ve experienced a strange pain in my hips that makes it hard to sit for any length of time. My head keeps going to fear-based thoughts, but my faith keeps cancelling those thoughts and reframing them to more positive, wellness-based, empowering thoughts. Other than this pain, I am feeling well. Maybe it’s a healing crisis from an old injury when I fell on the ice.

Either way, right now in this moment I release the fear, surrender to the moment knowing my life is in God’s hands. I choose faith, not fear. I choose health. My body is in a perfect state of health and harmony. And so it is.

Cancer Superheroes, what do you do in times of uncertainty? How do you pull yourself out of the fear? Do you call on a Higher Power to lift you up?

The Gift of Friendship

I have been remiss in writing on my blog for months now. Things have been rather hectic in my world. Here’s a brief synopsis of the last few months:
November: Working on my new book with a release date of Spring 2010
December: Healing from gallbladder issues (thankfully, it is being controlled by diet) and celebrated my 15th Cancer-versary
January: Began with reflecting on the past, enjoying the present and being excited about the future. In mid-January, I flew to NY with my husband to celebrate my 40th birthday with my amazing friends and family. After just passing my 15 year cancerversary, this 40th birthday had even that much more significance. Then onto Indiana to meet my husband’s family for the first time. It was a great visit. What a blessed January!

Bday Breakfast @ Jines

The birthday party was incredible! Lisa, Brenda and Brian did a superhero theme and filled the place with Natural Cancer Girl flyers and 2 huge signs (which I was able to keep for my business-thanks Brian). The cake was mouthwatering and although sugar isn’t my friend, that night it didn’t matter. I ate 3 pieces and boy was it worth it! I am going to share some of the photos I have of that night. I haven’t received them all yet, but as soon as I do, I will be sure to upload them for everyone to see.

Yum-O!

My husband Jeff and me.

Love you Lisa! Here's another one for the fridge.

Amazing friends!

Family fun!

More amazing friends!

Brenda and me striking a pose...Vogue!

Charlie and Ellie - Please stay awake for the party, brother!

My friends presented me with the best birthday present ever – a gratitude box. It was full of wonderful cards and notes about our friendships, times shared and times to come. I have read those notes so many times in the last week as I recouped and got my house in order after the trip. Some made me laugh, some made me cry, but all of them filled my heart with love and gratitude for the amazing people in my life. As I read these cards, I am reminded of the importance of these people and friendships. I have learned as much from each of them about life, friendship, authenticity, courage, love, selflessness, generosity, and how to take what life gives us and find the positive in it. Most importantly, they taught me it is okay to be vulnerable and reach out for help. So many people at this birthday party, directly contributed to my healthcare fund when I chose naturopathic medicine. They believed in me, even when the odds were stacked against me. They stood by me even when they thought I was crazy and risking my life. It was these friends who taught me how to receive. I firmly believe their love and support is a major reason I am still here today. The reason I am able to help others. Being with them on this milestone birthday was a necessity for me. It’s because of these incredible friends and family I am still here to celebrate 40.

As I write this, I realize no words can truly express the love and gratitude I have in my heart for them. As I write the thank you notes, I realize how inadequate words can be. I can only hope that they know just how much I love them and how much more my life is because of them.

I Am My Mother’s Daughter.

(WARNING: THERE IS NO POINT TO THIS POST EXCEPT ME WANTING TO SHARE A GREAT NIGHT.)

Wow! What a night! People are surprised to see and hear what a hard-core Yankee fan I am. It’s in my DNA. Yes, my cells have pinstripes. My mom, who passed away in January 2009 LOVED the NY Yankees. She rarely missed a televised game. When I say, she loved the Yankees, I mean she loved the Yankees. When she passed away, we dressed her in her Yankee sweatshirt, ball cap and put a Derek Jeter card in with her. The funeral home was decorated in NY Yankees paraphenalia. Her casket even went out of the church to “Take Me Out To The Ball Game.” As sad as that day was, that moment made me smile. As a family, we honored her memory well.

She used to call me after every game and give me a play by play. Sometimes games weren’t over until after midnight on the east coast. If I started to fall asleep, she’d stop and wake me up. Thankfully, she didn’t start over. 🙂 My sister Mary Ann and my niece Lisa are also hard-core fans. So tonight, my SUPER-TUDE came out and I forgot all about cancer. I had a blast sitting with friends, jumping out of my seat, holding my breath and sometimes trying not to look. It was so much fun texting my niece and sister during the game and talking smack on Facebook about it. It felt like mom was right there with us yelling at the tv and praying for the win. It will be 10 years in January since my mom passed. Tonight in some strange way felt like a tribute to her.

In honor of my mom and my own love for the Yankees, I got all dressed up in my Yankee gear and headed out to a sports bar with friends, Rebecca and Sean to watch the game. My hubby took a photo of me that looks like one of the last photos I have of my mom. I call this photo, “I am my mother’s daughter.”

Mom in 1999 with her 98 World Series shirt.

I am my mother's daughter!

Life with an Indolent Cancer

Watch and wait. Strategically manage. Close follow up. See you in 3 months. Have a nice day. Bye.

These are all things I hear every time I go to the oncologist’s office. Last week I had my 3-month status check CT scan. I have been in remission 3 times with what they deem to be indolent (slow growing incurable) lymphoma. This time things have gone a bit longer than normal. Okay, a lot longer than normal. I was diagnosed with this recurrence in April 2008. Usually my recurrences last 3-5 months. It’s been 18 months. Thankfully, after 14 years on this journey, watch and wait works for me.

Maybe it’s because I don’t necessarily “watch and wait.” I understand that there are many things in my life that I can actively participate in which will decrease my cancer activity and hopefully my cancer load. I meditate twice a day, which brings down my stress, calms my mind and emotions, and allows me to feel more balanced. I eat a very colorful plate of organic food (veggies, fruit, nuts, grains) at lunch and dinner. For breakfast, I eat rolled organic oats and drink a fruit smoothie with water, not dairy. I clean with non-toxic chemicals. Baking soda is my favorite for cleaning those stubborn tub stains. I dance, walk and rebound most days. My white blood cells love me when I rebound (mini-trampoline) and create more white blood cells. Sometimes, I do yoga. I love yoga. I juice greens and carrot/apple several times a day and take Juice Plus+ (www.NCGsharesjuiceplus.com) to help me get all my fruits and veggies for the day. I laugh every day. Sometimes I laugh at a funny movie, my dogs or my husband, but sometimes I just do the HA HA laughter technique I was taught years ago and laugh all by myself. I should really video tape those moments. I bet it would make for good viewing. I build my immune system by going to my naturopathic oncologist and receiving immune boosting vitamin C IVs. I take an alternative drug called Low Dose Naltrexone, which my medical oncologist supports. I take supplements that are based on my bloodwork results and suggested by my naturopathic oncologist.

Somewhere in my 14 years, my optimistic side met the side of me that doesn’t take “no” for an answer or in this case, “incurable” for an answer. This combination makes the “watch and wait” periods less stressful. I live in today, for today. I make goals for tomorrow. Some pretty exciting ones lately. Yet, I live in the now. I know that now is the only moment I can control. So when I think about what to eat, I choose to eat healthy so I have more “now” moments. When I think, I think more powerful, positive thoughts. I use the super power of choice wisely.

And when I have a bad day, where my body or spirit is tired, I honor and nuture myself. I take a nap, watch my favorite movies, call my friends, read a book or whatever strikes my fancy. Although I don’t claim that this is incurable for me, the fact of the matter is I have lived with it active for 18 months and I have lived well. I do believe it is because I am actively participating in my care and choosing wisely.

At my appointment earlier this week, my oncologist told me that the cancer growth has stopped and it has even decreased in slightly in a few areas. In May, it was on my spine and hip bone, in my spleen and becoming more aggressive. Now, with the latest news, the doctor doesn’t believe that the Hodgkins has transformed into the more aggressive type. There is no evidence on my skeletal areas and my spleen is only midly prominent. Great News! I have been participating in my care for years, and since May 2009 I stepped things up to be sure I was making the best choices for my health as much as possible. A doctor can only do so much and offer so much. Your body’s normal state is health not sickness. Your participation in care is VITAL to your health.

Now I ask you…How have the choices you made allow you to actively participate in your cancer care?

As I enter back into the watch and wait phase, I ask myself how else can I actively participate in my care.

Surrender: To release all expectation

Have you ever wondered why things in life are exactly how they were a few years back? Or maybe you are always struggling with an area in your life such as finances, health, relationships, employment. You think you’ve got things figured out and then wham that same lesson comes back at you and it’s the same story, but different players. You wonder how it happened again. How did I get here? What was the turning point? You thought you moved beyond that lesson. You made the necessary shifts so you didn’t have to learn it again.

I just had a conversation with a friend about this exact topic. He thought he had surrendered to God and asked for His help. And that’s when I asked: “But did you give it over completely or did you take a piece here or there back unintentionally?” A large sigh was his response.

You see, there is an art to surrendering to your Higher Power (God, Spirit, Universe, Buddha, you call it what you want). It’s about releasing the expectation of the end result. It’s about feeling, believing and trusting that the Universe knows what your best and highest good is and what will serve you best. Most importantly, it’s about NOT taking it back, looking back or even thinking about looking back. 😉 After many years of practice, I now know that to surrender what is bothering me, I just need ot sit up straight, take a few deep breaths. pull my awareness down to my core, hold my hands out palms up and say something like this (it’s always different),

“I surrender _____ to you. I know you have my best and highest good at the forefront at all times. I trust you. I believe in you to guide me on this journey. I am grateful for your guidance. And so it is.”

Then I go on about my life and forget about it. Things begin to just show up over time. If it’s finances, I may get a check I didn’t know was coming, or if it’s business, I get a call that puts the wheels in motion.

Now, the surrendering process wasn’t always easy for me. Sometimes I didn’t surrender quite so peacefully. I was more like a bulldozer knocking down the gates of Heaven. However, I know for a fact both methods work. 😉

When I first learned the lesson of surrender it was in 2001. It was September and I was just diagnosed with Stage 3 lymphoma with a 10 months of chemo and a bone marrow transplant ahead of me. After the experience I had with chemotherapy and radiation in 1995, the last thing I wanted to do was conventional treatment. It wasn’t right for me at that time. I found a naturopathic medical clinic that specialized in cancer in Arizona (I was living in Upstate NY at the time). Thanks to a friend, I was able to visit the clinic prior to making any decisions. The meeting went great and I knew I really wanted to have treatment there. However, it was $15,000 for a 12-week extensive protocol plus renting a hotel and car plus any additional therapies, etc. I was newly divorced, my parents were deceased and my family doesn’t have that amount of cash lying around. So, I returned to New York with hope in my heart for my health, but no hope for the financial aspect of it. I spent the next two weeks in a very dark place. Sad, depressed, angry. I went to work one day and a few hours into it, my boss came in and found me crying at my desk and sent me home. It was on my way home that I began to feel like God wasn’t listening to me. He wasn’t hearing my prayers. I had the best Pastor growing up who’s voice began to chime in my ear. “If you think God is not hearing you, put a mirror in front of you when you pray. God lives in each and every one of us, so when you look at you, you also see God’s Spirit.” That’s it! I am going to pray in front of my mirror!

I got home and got out my mirror. I started out with a very sweet prayer, “Dear God, please help, etc.” It suddenly changed. I got angry, very angry. I yelled and screamed and cried and said things that would have made God’s ears bleed.  I yelled about Him giving me more than I could bear. I yelled about my parents not being here to help me through this. I yelled about leading me to naturopathic medicine knowing I couldn’t afford it. And once I got done yelling I said, “I am not doing this anymore. I am not worrying. I give it to you. When I think of a chemo and a bone marrow transplant, my world goes dark. When I think of what I saw in Arizona, there’s hope and empowerment. I don’t want a subtle sign, I want a billboard with information telling me what to do. I don’t have $15,000, but if you lead me in that direction I will follow and trust. I promise.” I crawled up into bed, spent, and fell asleep. I woke a few hours later to sit up on the edge of my bed trying to get my bearings when I felt the most beautiful sensation. It felt like a hand or hands were set on the top of my head and a warmth moved down through every cell of my body. When it reached my toes, I said aloud, “I’m going to Arizona.” In 5 days, I had $15,000 worth of donations and loans in my bank account thanks to friends, family and even perfect strangers. Two days later I was on a plane to Arizona.

That’s the power of  truly surrendering. My wish for you is that every time you find yourself in a place with your health, finances, career, or relationships that you surrender with no expectation and experience the joy that can be yours in return. There was nothing easy about my journey with naturopathic medicine, but it gave me the gift of life in spite of the fact I was told I would be dead in 12 weeks if I chose this route. This journey also gave me the calling to help people understand the power of naturopathic medicine.

I hope this story serves to inspire you and helps you on your healing journey.

Love and Healing Cancer Superheroes.

Natural Cancer Girl Diane Paradise

New Adventure for Educating Cancer Superheroes Worldwide

Today is a brand new day. A new day to embrace so many wonderful things. People…how I love people and helping people. Each day I realize it is the core of who I am and the core of my life’s purpose. I understand it is why the cancer developed in my life. There is a higher calling coming from it that God has asked me to serve. I don’t always know what that entails and sometimes I get lost in the fear of it all, but I am becoming more comfortable with it each day. For the past 14 years, cancer has been a blessing because of that calling. For months now, God has nudged me ever so gently about starting a radio show for people with cancer looking for answers. The time is now.

Tonight starts a new business venture for Natural Cancer Girl. An internet-based talk radio show called WeB9 Cancer Talk. This show is all about you. You know who you are. You are the ones with cancer who understand that somehow, somewhere the immune system got a kink in it, which allowed the cancer to grow.  You understand that we all have cancer cells in us, but it’s the ones with compromised immune systems that get the full blown cancer. This show is about educating you about naturopathic medicine and how it can be used to upregulate your system, get to the root cause and work beautifully with conventional chemotherapy and radiation to help you heal on a whole body basis.

Over time, we are going to talk about environmental influences, nutrition, emotions, spirituality, quiet time, support systems with worldwide experts who have years of experience with cancer. This show isn’t focused on one type of cancer, it’s focus is on one type of answer – integrative cancer care. Yes, this show is about solutions, not the problem. We know the problem. We’ve journeyed with it whether it be for a day, week, month, year or years. Education is the only way to become empowered on this journey. The more empowered you become, the more you embrace your inner cancer superhero. A cancer superhero knows about the disease, knows about the options, and knows how to choose the treatment that is right for him or her. WeB9 Cancer Talk is just one more tool you can put in your superhero belt to help you on this journey.

Tonight we are going to learn about the basics of naturopathic medicine.  What it is, why it’s important, how it can help, and what makes it a legimate profession. Dr. Raffaella Marcantonio, ND from Natural Health Choices in Buffalo, NY will be the guest. If you can’t listen in live from 6-7 pm PDT on www.latalkradio.com/Diane.php then be sure to listen to the archived copy. It will also be on iTunes within the week.

Love and Healing Cancer Superheroes,

Natural Cancer Girl, Diane