Surrender: To release all expectation

Have you ever wondered why things in life are exactly how they were a few years back? Or maybe you are always struggling with an area in your life such as finances, health, relationships, employment. You think you’ve got things figured out and then wham that same lesson comes back at you and it’s the same story, but different players. You wonder how it happened again. How did I get here? What was the turning point? You thought you moved beyond that lesson. You made the necessary shifts so you didn’t have to learn it again.

I just had a conversation with a friend about this exact topic. He thought he had surrendered to God and asked for His help. And that’s when I asked: “But did you give it over completely or did you take a piece here or there back unintentionally?” A large sigh was his response.

You see, there is an art to surrendering to your Higher Power (God, Spirit, Universe, Buddha, you call it what you want). It’s about releasing the expectation of the end result. It’s about feeling, believing and trusting that the Universe knows what your best and highest good is and what will serve you best. Most importantly, it’s about NOT taking it back, looking back or even thinking about looking back. 😉 After many years of practice, I now know that to surrender what is bothering me, I just need ot sit up straight, take a few deep breaths. pull my awareness down to my core, hold my hands out palms up and say something like this (it’s always different),

“I surrender _____ to you. I know you have my best and highest good at the forefront at all times. I trust you. I believe in you to guide me on this journey. I am grateful for your guidance. And so it is.”

Then I go on about my life and forget about it. Things begin to just show up over time. If it’s finances, I may get a check I didn’t know was coming, or if it’s business, I get a call that puts the wheels in motion.

Now, the surrendering process wasn’t always easy for me. Sometimes I didn’t surrender quite so peacefully. I was more like a bulldozer knocking down the gates of Heaven. However, I know for a fact both methods work. 😉

When I first learned the lesson of surrender it was in 2001. It was September and I was just diagnosed with Stage 3 lymphoma with a 10 months of chemo and a bone marrow transplant ahead of me. After the experience I had with chemotherapy and radiation in 1995, the last thing I wanted to do was conventional treatment. It wasn’t right for me at that time. I found a naturopathic medical clinic that specialized in cancer in Arizona (I was living in Upstate NY at the time). Thanks to a friend, I was able to visit the clinic prior to making any decisions. The meeting went great and I knew I really wanted to have treatment there. However, it was $15,000 for a 12-week extensive protocol plus renting a hotel and car plus any additional therapies, etc. I was newly divorced, my parents were deceased and my family doesn’t have that amount of cash lying around. So, I returned to New York with hope in my heart for my health, but no hope for the financial aspect of it. I spent the next two weeks in a very dark place. Sad, depressed, angry. I went to work one day and a few hours into it, my boss came in and found me crying at my desk and sent me home. It was on my way home that I began to feel like God wasn’t listening to me. He wasn’t hearing my prayers. I had the best Pastor growing up who’s voice began to chime in my ear. “If you think God is not hearing you, put a mirror in front of you when you pray. God lives in each and every one of us, so when you look at you, you also see God’s Spirit.” That’s it! I am going to pray in front of my mirror!

I got home and got out my mirror. I started out with a very sweet prayer, “Dear God, please help, etc.” It suddenly changed. I got angry, very angry. I yelled and screamed and cried and said things that would have made God’s ears bleed.  I yelled about Him giving me more than I could bear. I yelled about my parents not being here to help me through this. I yelled about leading me to naturopathic medicine knowing I couldn’t afford it. And once I got done yelling I said, “I am not doing this anymore. I am not worrying. I give it to you. When I think of a chemo and a bone marrow transplant, my world goes dark. When I think of what I saw in Arizona, there’s hope and empowerment. I don’t want a subtle sign, I want a billboard with information telling me what to do. I don’t have $15,000, but if you lead me in that direction I will follow and trust. I promise.” I crawled up into bed, spent, and fell asleep. I woke a few hours later to sit up on the edge of my bed trying to get my bearings when I felt the most beautiful sensation. It felt like a hand or hands were set on the top of my head and a warmth moved down through every cell of my body. When it reached my toes, I said aloud, “I’m going to Arizona.” In 5 days, I had $15,000 worth of donations and loans in my bank account thanks to friends, family and even perfect strangers. Two days later I was on a plane to Arizona.

That’s the power of  truly surrendering. My wish for you is that every time you find yourself in a place with your health, finances, career, or relationships that you surrender with no expectation and experience the joy that can be yours in return. There was nothing easy about my journey with naturopathic medicine, but it gave me the gift of life in spite of the fact I was told I would be dead in 12 weeks if I chose this route. This journey also gave me the calling to help people understand the power of naturopathic medicine.

I hope this story serves to inspire you and helps you on your healing journey.

Love and Healing Cancer Superheroes.

Natural Cancer Girl Diane Paradise