Today was one of those days. You know, the type of day I am talking about. The day where Murphy’s Law takes hold and you do everything possible to shake it. Then just when you are ready to succumb to the hold, God steps in and says “no worries, I’ve got it handled.”
Truth be told, it started last night. I was updating my Web site when all of a sudden all of my secondary pages were completely messed up. I thought there was another visit from a hacker and panicked. Then I began to get this funny suspicion I was my own personal hacker and messed something up. Out went an S.O.S to Marc, Web master and friend. He already got the S.O.S the day before, but now it was bumped up to critical.
Then this morning, realizing I forgot to put the trash can out to the curb, I flew out the door forgetting the alarm was set on “stay.” It was about 5 -7 minutes before I walked into the screeching sound of our alarm and two panicked dogs. I immediately text my husband to tell him I’m okay…just forgetful and to tell the alarm company not to send the police. I get to full-time job an hour later than normal knowing I have to leave early for treatment. So, I rush wildly through my “to do” list hoping I don’t miss anything. It’s 1 pm and I haven’t left. I’m going to be late for my doctor’s appointment again!
From the moment I woke up, the billboard in my brain kept flashing with, “What happened to your Web site??” “Oh wait. I messed it up,” was the second flash. Ugggh. This responsibility thing can be a drag sometimes. At my appointment, I meet with the doctor to lay out a plan. “Be present, Diane, be present.” It’s time to get a PET scan again to see if the cancer load is decreasing. Then we will reassess the protocol and make necessary changes. We had a great conversation about glutathione, coffee enemas, PMS, estrogen. Truly, I learn so much from my doctor. I ‘ve never seen someone put pieces of the puzzle together like he does. He gives me an addition to the IV I am getting and in about 20 minutes I feel about 80% better than when I walked in the door.
Now if he could just give me something to remove the mental “Whack-A-Mole” type club I am using to beat myself up for messing up my Web site, I would feel 100% better. How many hours have passsed with continual messages of “I can’t believe you screwed up your Web site?” 16 at this point. Uuggh.
Never once did I stop and ask God for help. Never once did I truly believe it was all under control. Never once did I choose faith over fear today.
After about 16 hours of beating myself up, I get calls and emails from Marc and another friend Nancy with the “good to go” green light. The header was changed, the web site pages look like they should and the footer information is updated by 7:15 pm.
The PBS special aired at 7:30 pm. Not only did they finish it, but they both did all this last minute work out of the kindness of their heart.
Now tell me…who had this under control? NOT ME!
Did I ultimately know that? Yes.
Did I still choose to operate in complete fear? YES.
Do I have a clue why I continue to go back to the old programming? No, but you can bet I am going to dig a bit deeper on this one.
Being a Cancer Supehero isn’t about making one choice, it’s about making a lifetime of choices. Sometimes I have to choose to operate in faith not fear multiple times a day. The choice I made today to feed into the stress, detracted from my health and yet I choose to embrace the fear not the faith.
What old programming do you need to unplug from? Does it keep you operating in fear? What would life and your health journey look like without that programming? Most importantly, how strong is your faith?
Love and Light Cancer Superheroes, Diane
Filed under: Emotional healing, Empowerment, Encouragement
Thanks so much for this article!
It’s amazing how we think that even little actions done from that fearful, untrusting place don’t have an impact in our lives. We make the easier choice, but not the choice that will make our lives easier.
Thanks for getting back on the wagon. That’s part of being a superhero, isn’t it?
Thanks to your article, next time I’m stuck, I’m going to start asking myself, “What would Janice the Superhero do?”
Hi – Tonight I have read a few articles on your website and am encouraged by your viewpoint. Your site is the the second I have looked at in my life after, earlier today, I talked to a readiologist about the possibility that I cancer – need to do a biopsy if I want to know for sure.
Strangely, I am not afraid. I trust in what you call the Higher Self, due to the ongoing wisdom and support I receive from working on my dreams. I have confidence that, like Carl Jung says “Summoned or not, God is always present” because I can see and feel the presence of a mysterious inner power beyond the “pumy me”.
I guess my next step will have to be doing a biopsy to see if I do have cancer. If so, I may have it removed, but I am thinking twice about radiation treatment and chemotherapy. They seem so incredibly invasive. I also wonder whether the treatment hastens rather than prolongs life, since I have had some friends who describe how overwhelming it is to the body.
Anyway, thanks for writing about how you orient yourself in ways that express conficence, rather than fear.
Best wishes to you.