I Am My Mother’s Daughter.

(WARNING: THERE IS NO POINT TO THIS POST EXCEPT ME WANTING TO SHARE A GREAT NIGHT.)

Wow! What a night! People are surprised to see and hear what a hard-core Yankee fan I am. It’s in my DNA. Yes, my cells have pinstripes. My mom, who passed away in January 2009 LOVED the NY Yankees. She rarely missed a televised game. When I say, she loved the Yankees, I mean she loved the Yankees. When she passed away, we dressed her in her Yankee sweatshirt, ball cap and put a Derek Jeter card in with her. The funeral home was decorated in NY Yankees paraphenalia. Her casket even went out of the church to “Take Me Out To The Ball Game.” As sad as that day was, that moment made me smile. As a family, we honored her memory well.

She used to call me after every game and give me a play by play. Sometimes games weren’t over until after midnight on the east coast. If I started to fall asleep, she’d stop and wake me up. Thankfully, she didn’t start over. My sister Mary Ann and my niece Lisa are also hard-core fans. So tonight, my SUPER-TUDE came out and I forgot all about cancer. I had a blast sitting with friends, jumping out of my seat, holding my breath and sometimes trying not to look. It was so much fun texting my niece and sister during the game and talking smack on Facebook about it. It felt like mom was right there with us yelling at the tv and praying for the win. It will be 10 years in January since my mom passed. Tonight in some strange way felt like a tribute to her.

In honor of my mom and my own love for the Yankees, I got all dressed up in my Yankee gear and headed out to a sports bar with friends, Rebecca and Sean to watch the game. My hubby took a photo of me that looks like one of the last photos I have of my mom. I call this photo, “I am my mother’s daughter.”

Mom in 1999 with her 98 World Series shirt.

I am my mother's daughter!

Life with an Indolent Cancer

Watch and wait. Strategically manage. Close follow up. See you in 3 months. Have a nice day. Bye.

These are all things I hear every time I go to the oncologist’s office. Last week I had my 3-month status check CT scan. I have been in remission 3 times with what they deem to be indolent (slow growing incurable) lymphoma. This time things have gone a bit longer than normal. Okay, a lot longer than normal. I was diagnosed with this recurrence in April 2008. Usually my recurrences last 3-5 months. It’s been 18 months. Thankfully, after 14 years on this journey, watch and wait works for me.

Maybe it’s because I don’t necessarily “watch and wait.” I understand that there are many things in my life that I can actively participate in which will decrease my cancer activity and hopefully my cancer load. I meditate twice a day, which brings down my stress, calms my mind and emotions, and allows me to feel more balanced. I eat a very colorful plate of organic food (veggies, fruit, nuts, grains) at lunch and dinner. For breakfast, I eat rolled organic oats and drink a fruit smoothie with water, not dairy. I clean with non-toxic chemicals. Baking soda is my favorite for cleaning those stubborn tub stains. I dance, walk and rebound most days. My white blood cells love me when I rebound (mini-trampoline) and create more white blood cells. Sometimes, I do yoga. I love yoga. I juice greens and carrot/apple several times a day and take Juice Plus+ (www.NCGsharesjuiceplus.com) to help me get all my fruits and veggies for the day. I laugh every day. Sometimes I laugh at a funny movie, my dogs or my husband, but sometimes I just do the HA HA laughter technique I was taught years ago and laugh all by myself. I should really video tape those moments. I bet it would make for good viewing. I build my immune system by going to my naturopathic oncologist and receiving immune boosting vitamin C IVs. I take an alternative drug called Low Dose Naltrexone, which my medical oncologist supports. I take supplements that are based on my bloodwork results and suggested by my naturopathic oncologist.

Somewhere in my 14 years, my optimistic side met the side of me that doesn’t take “no” for an answer or in this case, “incurable” for an answer. This combination makes the “watch and wait” periods less stressful. I live in today, for today. I make goals for tomorrow. Some pretty exciting ones lately. Yet, I live in the now. I know that now is the only moment I can control. So when I think about what to eat, I choose to eat healthy so I have more “now” moments. When I think, I think more powerful, positive thoughts. I use the super power of choice wisely.

And when I have a bad day, where my body or spirit is tired, I honor and nuture myself. I take a nap, watch my favorite movies, call my friends, read a book or whatever strikes my fancy. Although I don’t claim that this is incurable for me, the fact of the matter is I have lived with it active for 18 months and I have lived well. I do believe it is because I am actively participating in my care and choosing wisely.

At my appointment earlier this week, my oncologist told me that the cancer growth has stopped and it has even decreased in slightly in a few areas. In May, it was on my spine and hip bone, in my spleen and becoming more aggressive. Now, with the latest news, the doctor doesn’t believe that the Hodgkins has transformed into the more aggressive type. There is no evidence on my skeletal areas and my spleen is only midly prominent. Great News! I have been participating in my care for years, and since May 2009 I stepped things up to be sure I was making the best choices for my health as much as possible. A doctor can only do so much and offer so much. Your body’s normal state is health not sickness. Your participation in care is VITAL to your health.

Now I ask you…How have the choices you made allow you to actively participate in your cancer care?

As I enter back into the watch and wait phase, I ask myself how else can I actively participate in my care.

Surrender: To release all expectation

Have you ever wondered why things in life are exactly how they were a few years back? Or maybe you are always struggling with an area in your life such as finances, health, relationships, employment. You think you’ve got things figured out and then wham that same lesson comes back at you and it’s the same story, but different players. You wonder how it happened again. How did I get here? What was the turning point? You thought you moved beyond that lesson. You made the necessary shifts so you didn’t have to learn it again.

I just had a conversation with a friend about this exact topic. He thought he had surrendered to God and asked for His help. And that’s when I asked: “But did you give it over completely or did you take a piece here or there back unintentionally?” A large sigh was his response.

You see, there is an art to surrendering to your Higher Power (God, Spirit, Universe, Buddha, you call it what you want). It’s about releasing the expectation of the end result. It’s about feeling, believing and trusting that the Universe knows what your best and highest good is and what will serve you best. Most importantly, it’s about NOT taking it back, looking back or even thinking about looking back. After many years of practice, I now know that to surrender what is bothering me, I just need ot sit up straight, take a few deep breaths. pull my awareness down to my core, hold my hands out palms up and say something like this (it’s always different),

“I surrender _____ to you. I know you have my best and highest good at the forefront at all times. I trust you. I believe in you to guide me on this journey. I am grateful for your guidance. And so it is.”

Then I go on about my life and forget about it. Things begin to just show up over time. If it’s finances, I may get a check I didn’t know was coming, or if it’s business, I get a call that puts the wheels in motion.

Now, the surrendering process wasn’t always easy for me. Sometimes I didn’t surrender quite so peacefully. I was more like a bulldozer knocking down the gates of Heaven. However, I know for a fact both methods work.

When I first learned the lesson of surrender it was in 2001. It was September and I was just diagnosed with Stage 3 lymphoma with a 10 months of chemo and a bone marrow transplant ahead of me. After the experience I had with chemotherapy and radiation in 1995, the last thing I wanted to do was conventional treatment. It wasn’t right for me at that time. I found a naturopathic medical clinic that specialized in cancer in Arizona (I was living in Upstate NY at the time). Thanks to a friend, I was able to visit the clinic prior to making any decisions. The meeting went great and I knew I really wanted to have treatment there. However, it was $15,000 for a 12-week extensive protocol plus renting a hotel and car plus any additional therapies, etc. I was newly divorced, my parents were deceased and my family doesn’t have that amount of cash lying around. So, I returned to New York with hope in my heart for my health, but no hope for the financial aspect of it. I spent the next two weeks in a very dark place. Sad, depressed, angry. I went to work one day and a few hours into it, my boss came in and found me crying at my desk and sent me home. It was on my way home that I began to feel like God wasn’t listening to me. He wasn’t hearing my prayers. I had the best Pastor growing up who’s voice began to chime in my ear. “If you think God is not hearing you, put a mirror in front of you when you pray. God lives in each and every one of us, so when you look at you, you also see God’s Spirit.” That’s it! I am going to pray in front of my mirror!

I got home and got out my mirror. I started out with a very sweet prayer, “Dear God, please help, etc.” It suddenly changed. I got angry, very angry. I yelled and screamed and cried and said things that would have made God’s ears bleed.  I yelled about Him giving me more than I could bear. I yelled about my parents not being here to help me through this. I yelled about leading me to naturopathic medicine knowing I couldn’t afford it. And once I got done yelling I said, “I am not doing this anymore. I am not worrying. I give it to you. When I think of a chemo and a bone marrow transplant, my world goes dark. When I think of what I saw in Arizona, there’s hope and empowerment. I don’t want a subtle sign, I want a billboard with information telling me what to do. I don’t have $15,000, but if you lead me in that direction I will follow and trust. I promise.” I crawled up into bed, spent, and fell asleep. I woke a few hours later to sit up on the edge of my bed trying to get my bearings when I felt the most beautiful sensation. It felt like a hand or hands were set on the top of my head and a warmth moved down through every cell of my body. When it reached my toes, I said aloud, “I’m going to Arizona.” In 5 days, I had $15,000 worth of donations and loans in my bank account thanks to friends, family and even perfect strangers. Two days later I was on a plane to Arizona.

That’s the power of  truly surrendering. My wish for you is that every time you find yourself in a place with your health, finances, career, or relationships that you surrender with no expectation and experience the joy that can be yours in return. There was nothing easy about my journey with naturopathic medicine, but it gave me the gift of life in spite of the fact I was told I would be dead in 12 weeks if I chose this route. This journey also gave me the calling to help people understand the power of naturopathic medicine.

I hope this story serves to inspire you and helps you on your healing journey.

Love and Healing Cancer Superheroes.

Natural Cancer Girl Diane Paradise

New Adventure for Educating Cancer Superheroes Worldwide

Today is a brand new day. A new day to embrace so many wonderful things. People…how I love people and helping people. Each day I realize it is the core of who I am and the core of my life’s purpose. I understand it is why the cancer developed in my life. There is a higher calling coming from it that God has asked me to serve. I don’t always know what that entails and sometimes I get lost in the fear of it all, but I am becoming more comfortable with it each day. For the past 14 years, cancer has been a blessing because of that calling. For months now, God has nudged me ever so gently about starting a radio show for people with cancer looking for answers. The time is now.

Tonight starts a new business venture for Natural Cancer Girl. An internet-based talk radio show called WeB9 Cancer Talk. This show is all about you. You know who you are. You are the ones with cancer who understand that somehow, somewhere the immune system got a kink in it, which allowed the cancer to grow.  You understand that we all have cancer cells in us, but it’s the ones with compromised immune systems that get the full blown cancer. This show is about educating you about naturopathic medicine and how it can be used to upregulate your system, get to the root cause and work beautifully with conventional chemotherapy and radiation to help you heal on a whole body basis.

Over time, we are going to talk about environmental influences, nutrition, emotions, spirituality, quiet time, support systems with worldwide experts who have years of experience with cancer. This show isn’t focused on one type of cancer, it’s focus is on one type of answer – integrative cancer care. Yes, this show is about solutions, not the problem. We know the problem. We’ve journeyed with it whether it be for a day, week, month, year or years. Education is the only way to become empowered on this journey. The more empowered you become, the more you embrace your inner cancer superhero. A cancer superhero knows about the disease, knows about the options, and knows how to choose the treatment that is right for him or her. WeB9 Cancer Talk is just one more tool you can put in your superhero belt to help you on this journey.

Tonight we are going to learn about the basics of naturopathic medicine.  What it is, why it’s important, how it can help, and what makes it a legimate profession. Dr. Raffaella Marcantonio, ND from Natural Health Choices in Buffalo, NY will be the guest. If you can’t listen in live from 6-7 pm PDT on www.latalkradio.com/Diane.php then be sure to listen to the archived copy. It will also be on iTunes within the week.

Love and Healing Cancer Superheroes,

Natural Cancer Girl, Diane

It Sure is a Wonderful Life!

Hi Cancer Superheroes and Friends, (Posted 12 days after written because I was challenged by uploading my photos. )

View from Zuzu's Cafe.

I am sitting in a ZuZu’s cafe in Seneca Falls, NY drinking tea and working on Natural Cancer Girl. This town is believed to be where “It’s a Wonderful Life” was filmed. I am looking out the window of the cafe over the canal at the bridge where George Bailey met Clarence the angel. The water is still, the sky is blue with some fluffy clouds, the boat with the name of “Liberty” is quiet, and the green leaves on the trees are beginning to change colors. It IS a wonderful life. I grew up in this town and as much as I am a city girl, this town always brings me peace. It is my hometown.

This trip was unplanned. I have been wanting to go home for months, but unable to make plans due to doctor appointments and biopsies. On Sept. 9, my medical oncologist informed me that the biopsy shows that it is lymphoma, but the type of Hodgkins still isn’t clear. They are sending this biopsy off  to Stanford again. My ND has me on Low Dose Naltrexone along with vitamin C IVs, therefore my MD has decided to do a watch and wait approach. We will be redoing a scan at the end of October.

So, I booked a trip Thursday morning and flew out Thursday afternoon. The theme of this trip was “Spirit Renewal.” I have been homesick for my friends and family for months and needed some time with them.

 Time has been spent with friends and family in Buffalo, Rochester, Waterloo and Seneca Falls. I have danced, laughed and smiled so much my face hurts and it is the best pain ever! I won’t bore you with details, but I will post some photos. Mission Accomplished – Complete Spirit Renewal! 

Self portrait of Brenda and I.

Lisa and I having a great time!

More importantly, this trip was the vacation I needed from cancer. Every day I am constantly doing for my health at home. I took one week to escape all the cancer “stuff.” I only called one doctor and sent one email. I didn’t do any research on alternative medicine and that is something I eat and breathe most days.

Sometimes as a Cancer Superhero we need to step away from the diagnosis and feed our soul. The mind, body, and spirit are like 3 legs of a stool. If one isn’t the same length (being fed), it creates an imbalance with the entire system. I urge you to take a look at your life and determine what leg of the stool needs attention. Are you stressed at work or at home? Is your body in pain and you aren’t addressing it? Are you spending any time alone reading a book, meditating or just doing breathing exercises?

What can you do to help your spirit renewal in the midst of this diagnosis and all the appointments that go along with it? If you can’t go away on a vacation, then how about a stay-cation? At home, consider taking a vacation day from work, leaving the tv off, starting out with a meditation, listen and dance to some music, go for a walk in nature, or whatever else may feed your soul. What does feed your soul? How can you make more time for it? If you can’t find time for yourself in the midst of this diagnosis then when can you?

Provide some feedback and let me know what feeds your soul and renews your spirit. I’d love to hear from you.

Love and light, Diane, Natural Cancer Girl

Have You Thanked Your Cancer Superhero Supporter Today?

What a great week! I had the pleasure of speaking to an amazing Cancer Superhero Supporter amongst the many Cancer Superheroes this week. This woman has been walking alongside her husband as he went through surgeries, chemotherapy and the numerous doctors appointments over the past few months. We spoke about the trials she as a supporter goes through, such as trying to keep stress away from him, paying the the bills – including medical bills, taking him to and from appointments, and trying to learn about the cancer all while trying to maintain her full-time business.  Mostly I just listened, but I also did my best to encourage her on this journey. She has a tough role as a supporter and I admire her for her strength. What a remarkable woman with such a beautiful spirit about her. He is a very lucky man.

Sometimes in the midst of all the chaos, high emotions, fear and sadness, the efforts of our Superhero Supporters get lost. My fellow Cancer Superheros, next time you see one your supporters, be sure to hug them and tell them thank you. Tonight when my husband got home, I did exactly that!

Love and Light, Diane Paradise
Natural Cancer Girl

Co-creating Health Using Prayer and Intention

Since my last blog post, I have received my PET scan results and met with my oncologist. In that post, I spoke about the power of prayer and how I have felt improvement in my body since my Superhero Support System began to pray that prayer on my behalf. Well, I was RIGHT!

Yes! My skeletal structure has shown vast improvement. My right hip is clear and nothing was even mentioned about my shoulder. The growth of my lymph nodes showed only a slight worsening. Both my MD and ND feel as though the change is quite minor. So, it looks like we have  really put a halt to the progression of the disease. I say “we” to include God and all the beautiful souls who have been praying for me. The Stanford lymphoma lab results came back as inconclusive only showing abnormal lymph cells. That’s good news. So far, they haven’t even been able to diagnose this “stuff” (for lack of a better term) as cancer.

Tomorrow, Wednesday, August 26 I am going back to Scottsdale Healthcare to have another biopsy. This one may be a bit more invasive since the radiologist is coring the large lymph node in my stomach by going through my back. I am confident that God is with me as I prepare for what tomorrow brings.

As I laid in the PET scan machine for over a half hour, I just kept repeating the phrase, “Thank you God for this healing.” As I repeated the phrase, a blanket as white as snow felt as though it was set down upon me and the most peaceful feeling I have ever felt came over me. I knew at that moment, no matter what the results were, I was going to be okay. I also realized the definition of “okay” didn’t really matter.

Wherever you are on this journey with cancer, remember God is the ultimate healer and physician and the God Spirit lives within you. Today choose to co-create perfect health and healing.
Pray with the expectation of full healing.
Vividly imagine your body fully healed.
Feel your cells alive with health.
What does that look like to you in your life and in your body?
What are you doing that you aren’t doing now?
Are your cells radiating beautiful vibrant energy?

I challenge you to choose a different picture for yourself today. A picture of you perfectly healed, whole and healthy.

Love and Light Cancer Superheroes,
Diane
Natural Cancer Girl

The Power of Prayer in Healing

Hi Cancer Superheroes and Friends.

It is 1:24 AM and my body is buzzing with life, energy and a renewed sense of optimism and focus. The last few days have tested me and the strength of my faith. Gratefully, my faith prevails and there is peace within the storm. In the last few days, I’ve dug deeper and grown stronger and for that I am thankful. I am convinced this peace comes from the power of prayer and meditation. Part of this journey for me is about asking and receiving. I am a great giver and have been most of my life. Receiving is a bit more difficult for me and asking, well that used to short circuit me. I would give my life’s blood to something before I asked for anything or any help. (Hmmm. Is there a connection to the cancer here?) 

Recently, I put together what I refer to as  my Superhero Support System.  This is a book club with a goal to provide support to each other as we read and grow from the lessons we are learning in the books. Five of my friends and my husband gather on Monday nights to talk in depth about what we are learning, how we are applying it in our lives, and the results we are seeing. We are currently reading the book, “The Power of Your Subconconscious Mind” by Joseph Murphy, Ph.D, D.D. The first seven chapters are dedicated to healing your body using your subconscious mind. Did you know that more than 90 percent of your mental life is subconscious? Yet it seems we expend 90% of our energy on the 10% that is conscious.

We all know God is great and the universal power of prayer is stronger than we can begin to define. The power of prayer and meditation isn’t something new in healing, but it’s the way Dr. Murphy talks about it. He outlines different types of prayers, different techniques and even demonstrates success with the principles. One of the techniques he discusses is called absent treatment, although I think a better name would be long-distance treatment. Sometimes it isn’t possible for you to be with the person who is needing your support, so the best thing for you to do is pray for them. According to Dr. Murphy, “in the mind principle, there is no time or space.” The treatment you are sending the person’s way is in the form of words and visualizations of pure health and harmony within the body. Their body will feel that prayer energy and respond.

After reading this and already feeling the effects of other methods by Dr. Murphy that I put into practice, I decided to reach out to even more friends, who are now another part of my Superhero Support System. I sent out a note on Facebook explaining the basic principle behind the prayer and asked them to pray for me over the next 11 days while I awaited my PET scan. While they were praying the words provided to them out of the book, I was praying and affirming health and harmony within my body as well.  It was hard to ask for help, but I knew it was time to call in anyone who was willing to take part. The response has been incredible (thank you) and the effects felt immediately.

My PET scan is tomorrow. Since I wrote and asked my friends to pray that prayer 18 days ago, I have noticed that my hips, back and legs no longer hurt. My shoulder hurts once in a while, but not often. My energy has increased dramatically and most days I feel an extreme sense of being lifted up.

The night before a scan I am usually a nervous wreck and a bit melancholy reflecting on whether or not I’m happy with my life thus far and if I would do things differently. Instead, I find myself awake tonight planning seminars, making list of potential sponsors, writing notes for what may turn out to be speeches or books or both, and most importantly planing for a future full of helping others walking this path looking for answers. I don’t proclaim to have all the answers for anyone. The answers for me are within me. The answers for you are within you. I am here as the facilitator of information and education to help all Cancer Superheroes know what is available to them.

The results of tomorrow’s PET scan will help determine the course of treatment, not my future. I determine my future and my future is so bright I have to wear shades!

Cancer Superheroes and Friends…

Who can you enlist to pray for you? Ask and you shall receive. God is waiting to answer.

Love and Light, Diane
Natural Cancer Girl

Today I Fired My Oncologist

Yes, it’s true. You knew it was coming and so did I.  The conversation went like this:

• The nurse calls my work to tell me that the conventional oncologist has to reschedule my appointment for the third time.
• She states that Stanford needs another two weeks with my biopsy, so the doctor wants to reschedule my appointment.
• I inform her that I have questions about the results that are back. For instance, does a negative bone marrow aspiration mean no bone cancer?
• She tells me that the doctor doesn’t want to waste my time.
• I respond by saying it’s my time and I choose to share it with my doctor and I insist on meeting with her.
• She then informs me that the doctor is at a medical conference for two weeks. Ahhhh. Now I get it. Is that the same two weeks Stanford needs and how come she didn’t know this when we scheduled it two weeks ago.
• Now I request that I meet with her practice partner. Answer – No.
• I then ask her how she would feel if she was told her cancer has spread into 4 new areas and haven’t met with the doctor since May 12.
• She proceeds to tell me she understands and I make it very clear she doesn’t. I also remind her that if this cancer has gotten worse and it could have been prevented by doing a simple bone scan, then the doctor will hear from my attorney.
• I ask her if she realizes this is the third cancellation and that I have concerns to discuss.
• She keeps saying she understands. Really?!
• She wants me to make another appointment for July 28, almost my three month mark.  I did just to get her off the phone. Knowing I would never be there.
• When I hang up, I call my husband and cry uncontrollably. I am stunned at the lack of connection with this doctor, especially because she seemed so nice when we first met.
• My husband tells me to fire her. That’s a given.
• I call my ND’s office to get another referral.
• In less than a half hour, an email arrives with a name, web site, phone number and a message that they’ve already spoken about my case. The best news, the new doctor can see me next week.
• Now that’s being there for your patients.
• I get the PCP referral and leave a message for the new doctor’s office. The secretary says she is so glad the doctor has agreed to fit me in. The new patient person will call me on Monday. Bonus: This doctor is only 10 minutes from my house instead of 40.
• Now I call back the “former” oncologist to let them know I already have a new oncologist and please send me the form to have all my records transferred. I never got it. Surprise.
• It’s official. I fired my oncologist for thinking it was okay to regard me as a number and just another case. I’m sure she’ll remember my name now.

Lessons Learned:

• First impressions are NOT everything.
• If a doctor continually denies you face time and blatantly disregards you, find another doctor. (There are plenty out there.)
• Understand that you need to stand up for yourself and sometimes that means making difficult decisions.
• Most importantly, you CAN fire your doctor.

Long before today, I began to think that this oncologist wasn’t right for me. A few unanswered calls, paperwork filled out incorrectly and no return calls about the inaccuracy of the insurance document, and the staff being quite clear about the fact she was never available were only a few of the billboard-like signs that were being made clear to me. Yet a feeling of guilt about firing her because I was “just a patient,” led me to give her second and third chances. Everytime I gave her another chance, my heart new she wasn’t the right doctor for me. Has the failure to do additional diagnostic testing endangered me?

What happened to customer service? Is it because insurance companies are sending people to her practice by the dozen that it doesn’t matter if she communicates with us? Is the insurance company her customer or the patient? Was it really the doctor’s fault or was the office staff being overzealous gatekeepers?

It took me 8 weeks and 3 cancelled appointments to finally take back my power to make a stand and once again choose life.  The only who can choose life for me is me. That’s a lesson I learned a long time ago.

Cancer Superheroes, do you know what you want out of your doctor and their staff?
Do you have an expectation of customer service?  Compassion? Confidence? Knowledge? Empathy? Availability?
Are you aware that there are many doctors who will treat you with respect and honor you where you are at?
Do you fully understand and exercise your right to fire your doctor if your fundamental needs aren’t met?

I end today with a renewed sense of empowerment and faith in myself to make choices that are right for me. It wasn’t easy, but the relief I feel was worth it.

Love and Light, Diane

The Waiting Game.

Hi Fellow Cancer Superheroes and Friends!

Today is July 8, which means it is over two months since my PET scan results came back showing the cancer had moved into my spine, spleen, shoulder and hip bone. So far, we have a few answers, but still no complete picture of the situation. The few answers we have are all good news. The cancer has not converted into non-Hodgkins and the bone marrow aspiration was negative. In other words, the doctor did not find cancer in my bone marrow. The bad news is that the lymph node biopsy yielded abnormal cells, but the in-house lab and a local lab were not able to make out their origin. My oncologist and surgeon made the decision to ship the slides to Stanford Medical Center’s Lymphoma lab. It may take up to 14 days to get the results. At that point, we are so close to my 3-month mark, that my naturopathic doctor has decided to schedule another PET scan to see if there are changes.

Unfortunately, there’s rarely such a thing as “instant” results or answers when it comes to diagnostic testing. Usually the waiting time is pretty reasonable. We want our researchers and lab technicians to take their time analyzing and determining a diagnosis that is correct, so the course of action is correct.   

In 14 years of journeying with cancer, I have never experienced this length of wait time for results and a plan of action.  I am extremely frustrated that it has taken this long and there are still no answers. I am even more frustrated that my oncologist feels the need to continually cancel my appointments since all the answers aren’t in. Having a conversation about what we do have in and the questions surrounding those results would definitely help both my husband and I. Instead, it has me questioning whether or not she’s the right oncologist for me.

No matter how you are doing emotionally with this diagnosis, it always helps to be able to communicate with your doctor and know that your doctor is hearing you. Two appointments, two cancellations on the morning of the appointment. The last appointment was scheduled because I called and wanted to discuss some concerns and questions. The concerns were about the lack of communication. It surprises me that a doctor in this field feels as though it’s okay to say to a person with cancer that it looks like it has spread and then not communicate with them for 8 weeks. The appointments were cancelled due to what is deemed to be a legitimate reason, all the results weren’t in.  Yet, some were and wasn’t that enough to have a conversation with a patient? Yes, as you can read there is frustration in my voice. My next appointment is scheduled on July 15. We’ll see if it actually happens.

The good news is that I have already met with my primary care doctor and have a second opinion doctor lined up who is known for the interpersonal skills with his patients. The bad news is that my primary care doctor blamed the lack of communication on the HMO. Interesting.  

In some ways, this wait has been difficult and yet, I know that it is unfolding just as it should. There is this undeniable peace that comes from faith that God has a plan and purpose in all of this waiting. ”If God brings you to it, He’ll bring you through it.” It’s given me time to reflect on what it is I need to do in order to have less stress and more balance in my life and also make some extremely difficult decisions. Effective July 24, I am resigning from my full-time job to focus on personal healing and Natural Cancer Girl. This is a financial sacrifice as well as a personal sacrifice for our family, but we both knew it was the right decision for us. My full-time job is more like a family – my work family. I am eternally grateful for the friendships that have blossomed in the three years I have been there, which will not be lost because of my departure.

Currently, my work family and I are busy finalizing the last minute details for our annual convention next week, which means my blogging time is limited. As soon as I get my biopsy results, I will write a brief post with more to come after convention. Be on the lookout for some exciting guest bloggers coming your way over the next few months including a homeopathic doctor, nutritionist, naturopathic doctor, chinese medicine doctor, and even some other cancer superheroes.

Cancer Superheroes, the waiting game is part of this journey. What things can you do to help cope while you are waiting for results? Please share your techniques so that others on this journey may learn.  Love and Light Cancer Superheroes, Diane